Category: Stuff My Kids Said

Gabriel, my beloved monkey son, is at it again. Today he sent me the lyrics to his latest song, “Pea Sized Brain”.

I’ve Been Waiting For All Of This In My Hands I Know If I Do With My Full Words

Chorus 1
PEE SIZED BRAINS PEE SIZED BRAINS!!

Verse 2
I’ve Been Waiting For As You First In Line I’ve Left My Dog At School You’ve been Warned I’ve Been Sucking On The Walls Were Alway First I’ve been Sucking On These Walls These Threats Will Calm You Down

Chorus 2
PEE SIZED BRAINS PEE SIZED BRAINS PEE SIZED BRAINS PEE SIZED BRAINS……..PEE SIZED BRAINS(guitar solo) PEE SIZED BRAINS PEE SIZED BRAIN! YES PEE SIZED BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*beams*

Me: Magic doesn’t exist in the real world.
Gabriel: Yes, it does!
Me: Name me one example of magic in the real world.
Gabriel: Invisibility!
Me: Have you ever seen an invisible person?
Gabriel: No. He’s invisible! You can’t see him.

Touche, little one. I was setting you up, and you avoided the trap, deftly; adroitly. Back to Parenting, Square One.

Apparently my youngest has been secretly honing his songwriting chops, and has started to pen lyrics. He also has it dead-set in his mind that these songs are destined to be released by Nine Inch Nails on whatever album ends up being catalog number Halo 29. As such, he is likely to be highly upset that I’ve let slip this information, but I simply must leak to you all at least one of his new songs. It’s called “Big Resolver” and it goes like this:

Wanted A Dog
My Day Is Gone
Dog-phones For Fin Tale Fish’s
Big Times Big Times Big Times
Dogs For Fish’s Big Times Big TIMES TIMES!
TIMES ARE INTO THE VOID! Void Void Void Void
Wanted A Dog
My Day Is Overdone
Dog-phones For Fin Tale Fish’s
Void Fish’s Are INTO THE VOID!
Void Void Void Void Void INTO THE VOID! Void Void Void

That’s some seriously awesome stream of consciousness shit, there. Five years old and he’s already blazing the trail for a new generation of beat poets.

*beams with pride*

Gabriel and I just spent 15 minutes arguing about the differences between Microsoft Office and Google Docs.  I’m sure we got a few strange looks from people in the store.  You would think that they had never met a five year old who was passionate about PowerPoint presentations…

“I can only hold penises.”

Gabriel was trying to explain to me why he can hold in a number one, but not a number two, while waiting for the potty. Poor kid is already a diva, and a grandma’s boy, without adding this kind of fuel to the fire…

“Criminy Jim Jim! The sky is black!”

This was Sean’s exclamation upon seeing the night sky…